Pit-related problems are the worst: sweat stains, odorous underarms, despair, controlled violence held in circles at some music venues, and lastly, avocados after they’ve grown into 75 percent stone and 15 percent delicious, creamy spread for brunch. You know what I mean …
There is no better equalizer for humanity’s hubris than unveiling a “pitiful” avocado. Or worse, slicing open a perfectly ripened avo with the tiniest nub of a seed, but maiming your designated avocado-eating hand in a fit of greedy enthusiasm, leaving your glorious untouched fruit to shrivel and brown while you wait in the ER with the rest of millennials who’ve found themselves in a similar predicament.
Pit-related problems — just the worst.
But Marks & Spencer, a supermarket/department store in England, will solve your pit problems, that is, of the avocado variety (continue reading for solutions to other pit-related issues). Throughout December, pitless avocados, or “cocktail avocados” as some people are calling them, will be available to residents in the U.K.
Grown in Spain, cocktail avocados are a result of an unpollinated avocado blossom and closely resemble tiny cucumbers. The holy grail of avocados tastes just like its normal, rounder, luck-of-the-draw counterpart, only smaller (about three inches in length) and entirely edible, skin and all. Pit injuries begone!
So if your heady devotion to avocados has taught you nothing, I suppose you can chomp barbaric-like on pitless avocados like they’re apples, or cucumbers — but, who really eats their cucumbers like apples? You should eat your avocados like carrots and apples like apples so that you won’t confuse the people around you. Or throw all vegetable correctness aside and do what Marks & Spencer’s agronomist, Charlotte Curtis, does: “My top tip is to try them deep fried!”
Cocktail avocados will hit stores across the U.S. soon, pitching pitiful pit problems out of our pit of despair.
And as for the other aforementioned pit problems, my recommendations are as follows: vinegar and water solution, prescription-grade deodorant, mindfulness meditation, crowd surf to safer ground.