Arby's (the "We have the meats" restaurant) is rewarding customers by giving away its meats a la sweats. Not to be confused with the variation of food coma "meat sweats," Arby's sweats giveaway is a wearable sweatpants and hoodie set featuring photorealistic meats.
The pants have an elastic waistband (a necessity) and are the stretchy maternity kind for epic mealtimers. The two-piece set has "built-in bacon patterned warming pockets" and "retractable bacon-patterned venting hood for maximum temperature control."
Arby's announced in a press release that this enticing little number is not just for anyone. "Select carnivores" who have beefed-up their social media channels with feats of meat throughout 2017 are eligible, although specific criteria remain to be seen.
Note Arby's choice of wording -- the ensemble isn't just for any meat eater, "you have to earn them." Although not a medically substantiated phenomenon, the meat sweats are a point of pride among the most carnivorous who find validation in their capacity to consume absurd amounts of animal flesh.
Take The Atlantic writer, Adam Chandler. His article, "I Conquered Arby's Meat Mountain and I'll Tell You of Its Grandeur," is a minute-by-minute report of his eating the fast-food chain's reverent sandwich, which contains two chicken tenders, roast turkey, ham, Swiss cheese, corned beef, brisket, Angus steak, cheddar cheese, roast beef and three half-strips of bacon. It measured "one and one-third iPhones tall."
The bill came out to about $29, and the sandwich was quickly consumed during a 20-minute "phenomenal, bordering on religious" experience. He ate the whole thing, a feat utterly absurd when you consider the price tag, the size and the eight different layers of meat. If bacon fashion is your type of thing, consider Chandler as just one contender for Arby's limited-edition meat sweatpants.
Foodbeast also submitted its "meatiest" entries, including racks of ribs at Slap's BBQ, a whole roasted lamb at San Jose's Greek Festival, and a gaping stack of pastrami beef ribs.
The fast-food chain's limited-edition "slaughterhouse camo" ensemble will drop this week for those who have rightfully earned Arby's meatwear, so start sweating.