Coca-Cola wants us all to know something: Like all other good things in life, Coke Zero has met its untimely end.
On July 26, the soda company announced in a press release that they are yanking the beloved calorie-free fizzy drink from shelves in August and replacing it with what I can only assume will be sparkling garbage juice.
"Rest in power, Coke Zero," GQ's Jay Willis wrote in an impassioned obituary for the unjust end of the only thing better than Diet Coke. "You deserved far better than what little this cruel, unappreciative world had to offer."
For those who are wondering, Diet Coke is not going anywhere. So if that's your sugar-free beverage of choice, you are safe for the time being.
People aren't exactly thrilled about the change.
Coke said that the replacement, Coke Zero Sugar, is going to be along the same lines as Coke Zero. I can only hope.
"We're changing the name to Coca-Cola Zero Sugar to be as clear and descriptive as possible about the product and the promise that it delivers great Coca-Cola taste without sugar," the company told Huffington Post.
Coke Zero and Coke Zero Sugar have all the same ingredients: carbonated water, caramel color, phosphoric acid, aspartame, potassium benzonate, natural flavors, potassium citrate, acesulfame potassium and caffeine. But the Coke press release sadly says that the taste is going to be a little different, because they hate me or something.
"We've made the great taste of Coke Zero even better by optimizing the unique blend of flavors that gave Coke Zero its real Coca-Cola taste," Coke said in the release. "Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is our best-tasting zero-sugar Coca-Cola yet, and it will be available across America in August."
That's right, they said that they are upgrading Coke Zero with a "new-and-improved recipe," so there's really no way of knowing if the new guy is going to taste like its almighty predecessor.