Somewhere between your second helping of celery and carrot sticks and your fourth rack of buffalo wings, you could have ordered the extra dressing on the side ... but for 50 cents?! So you passed it up.
You could've really used Hidden Valley's five-liter keg of ranch dressing. So this year, vow to never fall into a ranchless spell again. Make the decision to be "that guy with the five-liter keg of dressing." Because no one can be everything, but you can be the go-to ranch guy.
Flavour Gallery offers culinary goods and merch from food-related brands like 5 Napkin Burger and Food & Wine. And super-convenient ranch mini-kegs. Each one stands at about 10 inches high and 6 inches wide, stackable (in case one isn't enough), and keeps your Hidden Valley dressing super fresh with a special FDA-approved coating.
Cough up 50 bucks for a year's supply of ranch and a lifetime reigning as the Ultimate Ranch Dressing Devotee. The keg will definitely pay for itself. And it's currently available for preorder to ship out beginning Dec. 11. Just shy of Thanksgiving, but in time for Christmas and New Year's. (I would start cutting up crudites now.)
Looking for something that speaks to your sophisticated tastes? Flavour Gallery has stock of Alger-style ranch dressing fountains, with an optional "jolly fountain skirt" for extra class. Four easy-to-assemble tiers will guarantee that the dressing and the fun never stop. "It isn't a party unless the Hidden Valley Ranch is flowin'," said Flavour Gallery's website.
Going "full ranch" comes with a uniform, too. But start simple: a vintage Hidden Valley trucker hat shows people you're not messing around; your love for ranch is not some flavor preference. It's a way of life.
Let Hidden Valley's "Bring Me Ranch" socks do the talking for you ("If you can read this, bring me ranch" is emblazoned on the green-and-white pairs) or consider this "Pizza, Veggies, Wings, Fries & Hidden Valley" t-shirt as a tell-all to friends, family and strangers.
No one will ever second-guess your love for Hidden Valley ranch dressing.