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Just The Nine Fattiest Restaurant Foods You Could Possibly Order, Whatever

Prepare to be simultaneously shocked, amazed, disgusted, slightly scared and ashamedly hungry: The Center for Science in the Public Interest has released its annual list of the nation's unhealthiest restaurant foods. Also known as nine foods from your favorite chains that you will fear for eternity.

So feast your eyes, rather than your bellies, on this list, and you just might save yourself from a night of regret. With meals like steak-and-mac & cheese sandwiches and calorie counts in the thousands featured, you're unlikely to forget these dishes are incredibly bad for you and accidentally order one of them.

But if you do, bring a friend to help you. And take some home for later. Or just don't do it.

Applebee's: Build Your Sampler

We're talkin' FIVE appetizers here. Say you choose the Cheeseburger Egg Rolls, Brew Pub Pretzels & Beer Cheese Dip, Chicken Quesadilla, Boneless Wings with Classic Buffalo Sauce, and Spinach & Artichoke Dip. Even if you split this four ways, you're getting 850 calories, which is the same as eating an entire Applebees' cheeseburger meal -- before you've gotten to the actual meal.

Maggiano's: Marco's Meal for Two

Dinner with bae could turn quickly into dying of dangerous fullness with bae, courtesy of this (admittedly excellent) deal at Maggiano's. You could leave the restaurant having consumed a four-day supply of saturated fat, armed with two more 1,000+ calorie pastas to stick in the fridge for later.

The Cheesecake Factory: Fried Chicken & Waffles Benedict

It's a Belgian waffle topped with fried chicken, a poached egg and Hollandaise sauce, and it sounds wonderful. Until you realize it's equivalent to eating two Marie Callendar's chicken pot pies doused with butter and syrup. Look away, look away.

Dave & Buster's: Short Rib & Cheesy Mac Stack

Carb city. This sandwich packs white bread, pasta AND a side of fried potatoes, plus 1,910 calories. For that, you could eat three Big Macs and a medium fry. But, like, maybe don't do that.

Sonic: Grape Slush with Rainbow Candy

Rolling through Sonic's daily happy hour for a quick refreshing drink doesn't sound too regrettable, right? JK, imagine pouring one and one-fourth cups of sugar into a glass, because that's what goes into this brutal beverage. This is the stuff of nightmares.

Romano's Macaroni Grill: Cremini Pork Shank

The most disappointing thing about this being on the list is that, based on the name, it doesn't sound that bad -- it doesn't even have bread! It sounds like something Mom would make. Looks can be deceiving, though: This two-pound entree packs a day's worth of calories. Macaroni Grill promises customers "unforgettable meals that leave a lasting impression." An impression on your stomach from your tightening pants digging into it, I guess.

Uno Pizzeria & Grill: Whole Hog Burger

Why "whole hog?" Because it has FIVE meats: hamburger, sausage, pepperoni, prosciutto and bacon. It has so much sodium that it's the same as eating four McDonald's Quarter Pounders with Cheese and two medium fries topped with (lol) 18 packets of salt. The restaurant even held a contest where one of the prizes was getting a free Whole Hog Burger every month for a year. HOW IS THAT OKAY?

Jersey Mike's Subs: Giant Chipotle Cheese Steak

Jersey Mike says this will "put a pep in your step," but with 30 grams of saturated fat, the 14-inch sub will probably put you to bed. For a day.

Buffalo Wild Wings: Dessert Nachos

Essentially, a fried disk of white flour topped with 32 teaspoons of sugar.