Would you like to know the recipe for inducing rage unto a mass of innocent people? It's equal parts candy corn and pizza, and two parts delusion.
On Sept. 17, a Twitter user figured he'd commemorate the fall season by desecrating America's favorite food and baking a DiGiorno pizza covered in candy corn. "Tis the season my dudes," he wrote.
Twitter ran amok, tempers were lost and minds were blown at the idea of someone waging war against pizza. Everyone took it personally.
Below, before and after pictures of this disturbing pizza hybrid of Frankensteinian barbarity.
Tis the season my dudes pic.twitter.com/BzNqeaY191— ASSWOLF (@TheRealAsswolf) September 18, 2017
No need to read between the lines, the Twitter user was dead serious. And he must be toying with us, calling it "Artesanal." Didn't anyone try to stop him? We didn't think it needed to be said, but candy corn does not belong on pizza. And 3,000 comments later, Twitter sang in humored, awed, outraged choruses.
Even DiGiorno had a stern word in this "artesanally" made pizza.
Tis the no— DiGiorno Pizza (@DiGiornoPizza) September 18, 2017
"It's not DiGiorno, it's disgusting," as Delish put it nicely.
Someone asked the question we were all thinking, what did it taste like? Not an answer, but the Twitter guy got sick, probably from all the sugar.
I ate 3 pieces and became slightly I'll from the sugar— ASSWOLF (@TheRealAsswolf) September 18, 2017
Amidst the Twitter rage, one outlier user sought to recreate the candy corn pizza for reasons unjust and unknown.
soon following in the lord's footsteps pic.twitter.com/6T5cO3xmwZ— joey (RainyRam) (@PluvioRam) September 19, 2017
Candy corn itself has questionable merits as a "candy." It's just one of those things that draw in equal haters and lovers. Candy corn loathers consider the waxed, kernel-shaped treat more decorative than edible.
Quintessential Halloween candy, candy corn bowls gather dust and tiny insects across homes and offices every fall. Even months after Halloween came and went, that bowl sits untouched, mummifying into a colorful, avant-garde sculpture of sorts.
The love of candy corn is as foreign as its own making: sugar, corn syrup, confectioner's glaze, salt, gelatin, sesame oil, honey and dyes. Put candy corn on anything (especially pizza) and rest assured, the outcome will bring a curse upon you for 13 years. "Cursed timeline, cursed website, cursed life. I'm not the only one who'll suffer this," wrote one Twitter user.
Candy corn pizza -- that's enough Halloween tricks and treats for me.