Thinking about stealing your kids' Halloween candy? Hey, I'm not in a place to judge you, as long as you follow the roommate golden rule and replace it before anyone notices it's missing, or your kid might have some serious Jimmy Kimmel-level resentment for years to come.
Whether you're sneaking hard-earned pieces here and there from your child's hollow, plastic jack-o-lantern or you just happened to buy a clearance variety pack to stave off those seasonal cravings, you might have to eat some candies that aren't your top pick.
Either way, there's a chance you'll want to maximize your indulgence in the adultiest way you know how: with some booze. So dig through your supply, round up what you've got, and let's see what type of wine (or beer!) you should pour to reach maximum flavor harmony.
After all, we are nothing if not classy. Isn't that right?
Snickers + Syrah
The rich oakiness of Syrah, also known as Shiraz, is just what you need to balance out the roasted nuts and thick caramel candy. If you're more in the mood for beer, the nutty, nougaty chocolate bar will also taste great with a chocolaty, slightly bitter porter.
Candy Corn + Chardonnay
Chardonnay brings a nice buttery taste that works well with the marshmallow-type flavor of the polarizing orange waxy candy. For similar reasons, this white wine is great with Butterfinger, too. If you prefer, you can also try this with prosecco, since the delicate bubbles will cut through some of that super sweetness in the waxy candies, and it will also bring out the creaminess.
M&M's (or other cheap milk chocolate) + Grenache
Grenache, also known as Garnacha, is medium-bodied, high in alcohol and has strong notes of cinnamon and candied fruit that will work well with (let's be honest here) weak, sweet chocolate like M&M's, Hershey's Bars or Kisses.
Are you in a more beery mood? Match them with anything malt-heavy with strong notes of chocolate, like, you guessed it, a chocolate milk stout. But you don't need to stick with a milk stout -- you can also go with a porter, a dry stout (like Guinness) or even a really robust brown ale with the aforementioned flavors.
Red Twizzlers + Rose
Opposites may attract, but in this case it's the way that the red berry notes in both the candy and the wine perfectly match that make these two such a lovely fit. Not into Twizzlers? Keep with a similar fruity flavor profile and you'll find that the combo works equally well with candies like Starburst, Nerds or Airheads.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups + Sherry
The subtle nuttiness of medium-sweet fortified wines (think Amontillado and Oloroso sherries) takes on flavor profiles not unlike whiskey and plays nicely with similarly nutty candies like Almond Joy, or anything with almond or coconut. Alternately, you can try doubling up on the peanut butter chocolate with a thick peanut butter stout.
Sour Candy + IPA
You might think these would go better with something like a gose or a sour, but actually the citrus-heavy, strong, bitter flavors in your IPA are going to provide the perfect contrast to sour gummies like Sour Patch Kids or sour worms so that they balance out. If you like it a bit more mellow, a yeasty, earthy saison would also pair well.