The Horrors Of Pina Colada Cheese Have Officially Turned Us Vegan

Yes. You read that right. Pina Colada cheese now exists, and the world will never be the same again.

According to Grub Street, the horrifying new product is being sold at Aldi, a discount grocery store chain. The Pina Colada cheese is even sold by the Aldi’s store brand—Happy Farms—an already troubling label that has previously been faulted for the fact that it is not an actual farm.

Happy Farm’s latest transgression, however, far outshines its last. Shoppers recently noticed that the brand has started selling Pina Colada and Tequila Lime-flavored cheddar cheese—products so disgusting that the mere thought of them might turn us off of dairy forever.

Gone are our fond memories of macaroni and cheese; vanished are all thoughts of ice cream or milkshakes—all that is left is a horrifying taste in our mouths, left by an item so revolting that it does not even deserve to be called “cheese.”

The Pina Colada and Tequila Lime-flavored monstrosities are sold in seven-ounce blocks, and claim to be “infused" cheese, whatever that means. All we know is that they sound disgusting, and you will never catch our mouths anywhere near them.

If you are curious however, there is some good news. The products appear to be semi-permanent, so they might stick around long enough for the most revolting taste test of your life.

Personally, though, we’re more than happy with tried and true favorites like parmesan and regular cheddar. While we love a good tropical drink, we are firm believers that Pina Coladas should stay by the beach and away from the dairy isle!