If you groan at the thought of ironic Ugly Christmas Sweater parties or the cheesy sweater itself -- we've got something to aid both.
This Christmas sweater features a nifty pocket hidden discreetly as a jolly red X-mas stocking. It's not tacky enough to be ugly, per se, but the style is in good taste and sits at the cross-section between design and function.
Take a look at the Tipsy Elves' stocking-shaped pocket Christmas sweater; note the obvious wine bottle poking through the stocking. Available for $57 online at Tipsy Elves' website (or for slightly less on Amazon), this Christmas sweater is not your typical burn-after-wearing piece. Nor is it your grandmother's annual hand-knitted, embroidery-laden Christmastime habiliments. It's a totem of Christmas survival, dressed in the kitschy appeal of an ugly holiday tradition.
This nifty number serves well beyond Ugly Christmas parties. The Tipsy Elves Wine Stocking Sweater lets you hold an entire bottle of liquor securely strapped to the chest and within sipping distance for maximum intoxication and minimal noticeability.
Consider it your official uniform for Christmas survival this year -- from uncomfortable holiday office parties, to uncomfortable examinations of your life led by extended family, to the uncomfortably sober ski cabin retreat with petty siblings -- this sweater will serve you well with wine, whiskey and whatever tonic required to get you through the myriad of uncomfortable holiday events.
If stealing sips of the hard stuff during particularly distressful lines of personal questioning ("Why are you still single?" "Whatever happened to you and Karen? We liked Karen") sounds like your typical pattern of behavior during the holidays, then you need more than just a Christmas sweater. (See: mindfulness meditation.)
These sweaters are selling like hotcakes, too. And they're not exactly cheap either. But that is to be expected from such indispensable novelty Christmas wintertime clothing. Just as you would shell out for an Alpine expedition-grade Patagonia winter coat to stave off the outside elements, so would you invest in a practical wine-holding sweater for the occasional curative sip during Uncle Chuck's latest conspiracy theory.
It is sweater weather, after all, only this sweater weathers a different kind of storm; just imagine scraping off the last bit of the dessert course, unscathed and blissfully tipsy.